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not as easy as it seemed (studio)

by Elijah Herrell

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lyrics

It's nights like these when I'm reminded
I was born with a hellish flame
You say we're smoking all the same
But still, it's different, at least in the nuance,
'Cause you've got places left to turn
"Better to marry than to burn"

But God, I'm burning,
Slowing turning
Into someone that I no longer know
And God, I'm certain
That this one burden
It wants to kill me in the end

Got no desire for a woman
I'm terrified to live alone
I think i'm running out of options
When will my house become a home?
God, will I ever walk that aisle
And bear the children I have dreamed?
Or will I die alone and holy?
It's not as easy as it seemed

Yes, God is good but
I'd still like some answers
I could count a couple thousand prayers
To be delivered from this snare
Then I start to think, "did I deserve this?"
Was there a cosmic lot that fell
That predisposed my trail to hell?"

And God, I'm burning,
Often yearning
For love that might be the fatal blow
Was I created
To use self hatred
As my desperate last stand in for a cure?

Got no desire for a woman
I'm terrified to live alone
I think i'm running out of options
When will my house become a home?
God, will I ever walk that aisle
And bear the children I have dreamed?
Or will I die alone and holy?
It's not as easy as it seemed

Oh, when I was but just a child
I had some many distant plans
I swore I'd marry sometime early
Instead of lusting for some man
I hoped to sing to sleeping children
Then join my wife and hold her hand
Instead, I'm screaming at the ceiling
Jesus, I don't understand
Jesus, I don't understand

You said you'd work it for my good
Sometimes I wonder how you could

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released March 1, 2023

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Elijah Herrell Kansas City, Missouri

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